By Dr Garth Japhet
In 1983, a boy named Cherry was born in Congo-Brazzaville to a mother who taught him that you have to find your own opportunities in life. He was educated about apartheid and was encouraged to stand in solidarity with the country’s anti-apartheid movement. As he grew up and South Africa’s politics changed, Cherry began to associate the country with hope — he felt that it would give him the chance to be the man that he wanted to be. But when he ultimately moved here, he found a reality far more complex than what he’d imagined.
South Africa’s Congolese community quickly warned him about xenophobic perceptions of Congolese people. He realised that his neighbours were afraid of him. Because he owned his own internet cafe and regularly brought home computers and electronic equipment that he bought on auction, they thought he was dealing drugs. Once, they even called the police. The experience in turn made him afraid of his neighbours.
“My neighbours didn’t know the real me,” he said. “Maybe if they’d broken that barrier, they would have seen that I was just a normal guy with all his papers in order, trying to make a living.”
Cherry’s life has moved on and progressed in many ways since then, taking him and his family beyond our borders. But South Africa contributed to who he is and is an indelible part of his identity.
As South Africa marks Heritage Day, it’s worth remembering that we don’t always succeed in celebrating our diversity with as much warmth and compassion as we do on this particular day. Our past and even our present are often marked by divisions, tensions and othering. We fail to remember our collective identity as human beings. The antidote to this, I believe, lies in taking the time to share our stories.
Our stories matter
Storytelling is an integral part of our social fabric — as South Africans, as Africans, as humans. It’s how we make sense of our histories, communities, families and lives. It’s how we understand and define ourselves. And it’s the most critical ingredient in finding empathy for others.
In sharing our stories, we learn that we have so much more in common with each other than we might initially have anticipated. It’s all too easy to focus on our obvious differences: our different nationalities, races, ethnicities, genders and beliefs. But in sharing our stories, we’re more likely to focus on what unites us rather than what divides us.
At Heartlines, our What’s Your Story? project is dedicated to breaking down misconceptions, stereotypes and prejudices by nurturing care, understanding and empathy. It’s built on three simple principles.
The first: ask. Be curious. Ask people about their stories. Speak to the people who look the same as you and those who don’t; those who have obvious similarities and who have clear differences. Even a simple question like, “What’s the origin of your name?” can be meaningful. Asking someone their story lets them know that, like the Zulu greeting “Sawubona”, you see them as a person of value.
The second: listen. Listen without judgement and without trying to interfere or fix. Listen openly and attentively.
And the third: tell. Be prepared to share your own story when someone invites you to do so. Even the act of considering your own story and tracing its individual threads can be an empowering and healing thing to do.
Heartlines has a wealth of resources for individuals, families, schools, working environments and faith-based organisations. And it has meaningful results. Over the years, we’ve found that those who regularly make personal storytelling part of their lives are more likely to use it on an ongoing basis and to rely on it to improve their relationships with others.
Our stories unite us
When we listen to others’ stories and share our own, we focus on our points of commonality rather than our differences. The other becomes familiar. We see Cherry as an ordinary man trying to make a better life for himself and his family — just like anyone else. And we open up space for understanding, empathy and forgiveness. In very real terms, we start to dismantle the dangerous divisions that still plague South Africa today.
This Heritage Day and beyond, I encourage all of us to ask those around us, “What’s your story?” and to listen closely to the answer. Storytelling, of course, is not a cure-all. But through it, we might be able to reach across our divides and find the humanity in each other again.
Dr Garth Japhet, a medical doctor, is the CEO of Heartlines, a social and behavioural change organisation that encourages people to live out positive values to deal with societies big issues through its award-winning films and supporting resources. Japhet was the founding CEO of the health promotion and social change project Soul City. For more information, please visit www.whatsyourstory.org.za.
About Heartlines
Heartlines is a social and behaviour change organisation that encourages people to live out positive values. Heartlines does this through its projects, which include producing films and multimedia resources that aim to spark conversations around values, and equip people to live out these values. Heartlines further facilitates values-based training, workshops and motivational talks for companies, organisations and groups.
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In 1983, a boy named Cherry was born in Congo-Brazzaville to a mother who taught him that you have to find your own opportunities in life.
The post What does it mean to be South African? We all have our stories – By Dr Garth Japhet appeared first on The Home Of Great South African News. Read More
